Well, I’m doing it. I'm finally committing to writing my memoirs, or autobiography. Not sure how this will all play out because I’m not all together certain that anyone cares except those closest to me who wonder why I am what I am, however, my spirit is unsettled and after much prayerful consideration, my answer seems to be to put the past in its rightful place so that I can move on. I thought I had, but perhaps this will put it in perspective for me? I don't know why, I only know I have to do this. I have decided that I will write as the memories come and edit before I let anyone read it. My intent is not to harm anyone and so I will not share the original draft. I guess if my kids choose to read it after I die that is up to them, but I learned after reading my moms journals (after she died) that some things are best left unsaid. Not that she said anything wrong, but they were her thoughts and feelings that she didn't share with us for a reason and those reasons were hers. She had a right to her private feelings and thoughts and consequently, I had no right to judge them before or after her death. I suppose this is more meant to be cathartic for me than explanatory to anyone else.
I have been asked though, by several women if I would ever tell my whole story that they would love to read it. Seems some of the things I went through have encouraged those who know me now after the storm. That makes me feel better; that God could use the pain I went through to help heal another women's pain. It may as well be used so that it had some sort of meaning.
So, I will go now to begin. This was possibly just a ploy to procrastinate a moment because the thought of putting it all on paper (or in the computer) is really scary for me. I left those monsters in the past for a reason. Maybe now though, I can really slay the dragons and through God's help, I can really be victorious over the thoughts that hold me back and the habits formed so long ago. Perhaps I will find the happy memories outweigh the sad ones, the good outweigh the bad, and will have a whole different view of my childhood and adolescence.
Hmmmm? I guess only time will tell.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Thursday, October 2, 2008
VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE
I VOTE
I’m an unwed mother of 4.
I’m on welfare for now, but I’m working to get out of this hell.
I just need help for a while,
AND I VOTE.
I’m CFO of a Fortune 500 company.
I have a few more rungs to climb before I reach the top.
I spend time with my friends, I work,
AND I VOTE.
I’m a stay at home mom,
Wife to a good man who works his butt off for his family
We both sacrifice so that I can be home, but we love our kids.
AND I VOTE.
I’m a recent high school graduate.
I make $6.00 an hour and eat peanut butter three nights a week so I can save for college.
But I won’t make $6.00 an hour forever.
AND I VOTE.
I am black, and white, and Hispanic.
I’m the minority, and the majority and the statistic so lovingly labeled “other”.
I read, watch television, pay my bills and my taxes.
I spend money and my time in many different ways.
I laugh, I cry, I notice what’s going on around me.
AND I VOTE.
I matter to my mama
Because I exist.
I matter to politicians,
BECAUSE I VOTE.
To be an American is an awesome privilege.
To be an American is an awesome responsibility.
America is the land of the free, BECAUSE I VOTE!
I’m an unwed mother of 4.
I’m on welfare for now, but I’m working to get out of this hell.
I just need help for a while,
AND I VOTE.
I’m CFO of a Fortune 500 company.
I have a few more rungs to climb before I reach the top.
I spend time with my friends, I work,
AND I VOTE.
I’m a stay at home mom,
Wife to a good man who works his butt off for his family
We both sacrifice so that I can be home, but we love our kids.
AND I VOTE.
I’m a recent high school graduate.
I make $6.00 an hour and eat peanut butter three nights a week so I can save for college.
But I won’t make $6.00 an hour forever.
AND I VOTE.
I am black, and white, and Hispanic.
I’m the minority, and the majority and the statistic so lovingly labeled “other”.
I read, watch television, pay my bills and my taxes.
I spend money and my time in many different ways.
I laugh, I cry, I notice what’s going on around me.
AND I VOTE.
I matter to my mama
Because I exist.
I matter to politicians,
BECAUSE I VOTE.
To be an American is an awesome privilege.
To be an American is an awesome responsibility.
America is the land of the free, BECAUSE I VOTE!
The Land of Should- a poem
I don’t want to live in the land of “I should”
The land of “I might”
The land of “I could”
I choose to live in the land of “I will”
The land of “I can”
It gives me a thrill
just tapping these words into the reality of a white page
In those other lands I was filled with sadness and rage.
Now I live in “I will” and “I can” and “I do”
and when I live there my reality is true
When I traverse back to “I should” or “I must”
My creativity is stifled
My energy is bust
The land of “I shouldn’t” or “I can’t” is untrue
I can
But sometimes I just don’t want to
And that’s okay in the land of “I can”
It is my choice here, not some “ought”, “must” or “should”
It is my choice here and choice is good.
by - Andora Henson
written in 2006 or 2007 (not sure as i didn't date the original)
The land of “I might”
The land of “I could”
I choose to live in the land of “I will”
The land of “I can”
It gives me a thrill
just tapping these words into the reality of a white page
In those other lands I was filled with sadness and rage.
Now I live in “I will” and “I can” and “I do”
and when I live there my reality is true
When I traverse back to “I should” or “I must”
My creativity is stifled
My energy is bust
The land of “I shouldn’t” or “I can’t” is untrue
I can
But sometimes I just don’t want to
And that’s okay in the land of “I can”
It is my choice here, not some “ought”, “must” or “should”
It is my choice here and choice is good.
by - Andora Henson
written in 2006 or 2007 (not sure as i didn't date the original)
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