For the first couple of weeks after the heart attack I was euphoric. This, I'm told, is to be expected. Now, the euphoria is gone and I am left with the questions. Don't get me wrong, the thankfulness for another day, another opportunity, another blessing, is still very real for me but I find that I am now wondering "why me?"
Why was I saved? Why am I still here? I feel a need to do something amazing, big, important in response to the amzing, big, and important thing that God has done for me. I find myself feeling like I couldn't possibly be nice enough, love well enough, or serve heartily enough to warrant this gift of time that I've been given.
So, what do I do now? I have prayed for guidance, asked for help from on high, and looked to The Bible for help and I'm still waiting for answers. In the meantime it appears that as any good soldier must, I need to continue on in my last duties till new marching orders are forthcoming.
What I do now is continue to pray for my family, friends, community, and any other needs that present themselves. I continue to write, encourage in both print and in person, I continue to raise my children and serve my community, and I do my best to honor God however I can.
Still, it seems like an awfully small offering in comparison to the gift, but then a gift is free isn't it? God doesn't expect me to earn His favor, nor does He expect me to repay His kindness because there is no way that I could.
God is so gracious friends. He is loving and merciful and His love for us is not dependant on how good or bad we are. And He is an amazing, big, important gift giver too. He desires time with us, relationship with us, and He desires for us to receive the gifts He offers. After all, how sad is a gift that is never received?
Until next time friends,
blessings and peace and love to you all~
Andora Henson, thewritingmommy
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