My sister called this morning with news and a prayer request; her next "maybe" child was born Saturday evening three months premature. My sister is foster mom, soon to be adoptive mom, to this baby's two older siblings. She had supported the birthmom as much as possible, emotionally and spiritually since she first met her when she received the four year old girl, and continued to love and care for her when she received the newborn boy over a year ago. She cautioned young mom when she was told of this last pregnancy,to please take care of her baby and her body, but alas, this young mother again took drugs during her pregnancy and now, this newest baby girl is fighting for her life at less than 2 pounds.
On the night she was born, miraculously alive given the circumstances, another family in another place was losing their dad. Another sister called to ask for prayer about a friend of hers. They had taken an impromptu trip to The Brazos River and were swimming when the nine year old son began to be pulled under the water. His friend jumped in to help him and soon went down as well. The father jumped in also and saved the boys but was swept away. They found his body many hours later.
Life and death, one coming into this world against all odds given the circumstances, and another leaving though he was a fine man, husband and father.
I just don't have words sometimes to make sense of it all- and that i guess is where faith enters the equation. While i don't understand, while i don't "get it", i know God does.
When my mom died after a year of battling cancer, and a year of constant prayer by me, my sisiters and my church family, i didn't get it. I comforted myself that she was healed in heaven, but i wanted her healed here! The lady with cancer at church that we prayerd for was healed; why her and not my mom? I just didn't get it and i still don't.
When my brother died at 25 years old, i didn't get it. When my nephews were murdered at 3 and 5 years old, i didn't get it. But i also don't get it when good things happen. I don't deserve any of the blessings bestowed on me and my family. None of us really do. When my husband survived a 14 hour surgery for a brain AVM located smack in the middle of his brain, without any paralysis or other neurological issues, i was thankful, grateful, but i didn't get it. They had prepared us for the worst- and we got the best. When i not only conceived, but carried my son full term and birthed a healthy and beautiful boy after i was told because of the scarring from years of childhood sexual abuse that i would never be able to conceive nor carry a child, i didn't get it. But you can understand that while i didn't get it i was on my knees thanking God above. Because while i don't get it, i know, with all of my knowing that HE has a plan.
He alone is the Author and Finisher of our faith. He knows our end from the beginning and He has a plan for our lives. At times like these, and those i mentioned above, it is hard to wrap your mind around "the plan"; that is when faith has to come in. Without faith, the sadness would be unbearable and without faith, there would be no hope.
Still,I know some people who have no faith. Who deny the very God who created them. It saddens me to no end for them. I watch their lives unfold like a piece of paper; flat and without the fullness of God's grace. I love them, and i pray for them, but i don't understand them and their choices. I guess i just "don't get it". Because that too is a matter of life and death.
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