These Dreams

I always loved the song These Dreams by Heart. Ohh, i'm showing my age here i guess. I believe God speaks to many of us in dreams, not everyone of course, we all have different giftings and such, but definately some of us. I am among those whose dreams sometimes have a more prophetic tone, sometimes a foretelling of sorts and sometimes they are to teach. I have had one such dream recently- night before last to be exact. It still has me a bit shaken/wondering.
So- here is what i wrote upon waking-

I just woke from a terrible dream. At least the end was a terrible ending. But also a lesson. I know that distinctly. I was in a train station, a huge one like grand central station and i was with Shelby and Haley. There were sooooo many people around and I was so frustrated. The girls weren’t listening and every thing was costing more than I thought it should . we passed a wall of lockers, the ones you put the quarters in and turn the keys to a certain number and the key comes out and you take the key with you. The last number was 10. that I’m sure of . I think the first two were a 6 and a 4 but that is not certain. i was trying to figure out how to "beat the system" and get to use the lockers for free or for less than the full price. We had been on a trip or something. Anyway, we’re at this train station, bus or subway or something. I’m trying to get a ride to my mom’s old house in ft worth. The foot traffic is horrible. Anyway, the girls won’t stay with me and I have all this baggage that I’m trying to carry; it was like a coat of baggage and the baggage was all over me just hanging off. Finally I tell Shelby and Haley to go and sit down while I try to get the tickets. The ticket guy is very effeminate, very flippant and doesn’t seem to care about my plight. I mean I am heavy laden with bags, as if I were wearing a coat made of baggage. I tell him where I am going and he says there are no busses going there. I try to remember the streets around it and have to move out of line and then when I get back there I remember and tell him near Ridgemar Mall and he says the price and I say I don’t have that much and he says too bad that’s what it costs so I move away from the window again and look in my wallet and I see that I do have enough but then no more and so I go back to the window but instead of giving him all the money I have I haggle over the price. Then I get mad because he won’t come down on the price. Then I get rude because he isn’t helpful. He asks do I want the tickets or not and that it is almost too late and finally I give him the money, again, rudely , and he throws the tickets at me and I run for the train. Down the escalator I think and then I see the girls, Shelby and Haley, they are on the train and I’m trying to get there and it seems the train platform is moving further away. As the doors close I start to scream noooooooooooo, and though there is hardly anyone on the platform, they are in my way and I’m trying so hard to get there screaming, knowing people are thinking to themselves, "geeeze it’s just a bus, catch the next one", but they don’t know that my girls are on there. And I don’t make it. The bus pulls away and my girls are on it and there is nothing I can do about it. I cry and cry and I hear a voice , as clearly as if they were next to me say, "if you had dropped your baggage, or you weights, you could have reached them in time". And then it occurred to me that I wasted a lot of time trying to figure out how to beat the locker system and get to use it for free, and that I wasted an enormous amount of time at the ticket window haggling instead of just paying the cost.

I know there was more at the beginning but I can only remember bits and not even clearly enough to articulate it.

Immediately upon waking, I knew that this was a telling dream, although what exactly I’m not sure. One thing is about the baggage; it had me weighed down and I couldn’t get where I needed to go. I could have so easily just taken it off, and here I felt the scripture about “casting off the sin that so easily besets you” (Heb 12:1)so vividly I cried again. I had to thank God right away when I woke, because as much as the dream scared me, at losing my girls, I also feel it was a learning dream. Something meant to teach me before it is too late. I pray He will reveal the answer quickly. I also thought it might be referring to my actual physical weight and how it effects my relationship with the girls, not sure which is correct but both are possible. Another thing about the dream is that when we first got there the train/bus was close to the ticket window. I just realized that. By the end of the dream it was so far I had to run to catch it.
Another thing that was evident right away was that I haggled about the cost even though I had the exact amount right there in my wallet. It would have cost me everything, but I would have made it. Of course, it never occurred to me that the girls were on the train/bus. In fact, I was so caught up in my diatribe about how rude the ticket guy was and how ridiculous the prices were, that I never even thought of them – at all - after I told them to sit down, until I was trying to get to the train/bus and realized they were on it, without me. How scary, and profound. And scary. Still, after I quit screaming, which was when I woke up, literally screaming "no no no", I had an immediate peace that the girls were going to be okay. The dream wasn’t about the girls being lost. They were going to get where they needed to be. I knew the dream was more about me and my sin than them and theirs (not behaving). The "set aside those things that so easily beset you" scripture came to my waking mind immediately again. And I had to thank God for loving me so much He would choose to show me before it is too late. I just pray I receive what was sent and change accordingly.

I had my tickets, I could have ridden then next bus, but it wouldn’t end up in the same place. And my girls were alone on the bus/train. There was nothing to be done about it. I was reasoning that I could call someone to meet them at their stop and I could go yell at the ticket guy when I woke. Until the peace that they would be okay came to me. Of course, I kept thinking about how they could be violated on the trip, but I don’t think that was the message. The whole thing is still a little disconcerting. I want to blog about it, to go online and check my email and check out the ACTS forum but I think I need to mull this over a while and so I’m going to go work in the garden and see if I can hear more from my Lord. I know the dream was from Him. There’s a difference in regular dreams and telling dreams and prophecy dreams. A huge difference in how they feel and look and sound. This was a telling dream. I just hope I heard the right thing. God help me. Help me to change please, to be less demanding, to shed the baggage that I don’t need anymore or maybe never did. To quit focusing on other peoples flaws and start to focus on and fix my own. Please help me. I want to “cast of the weights that so easily beset me". And I know I can’t do it without You. - 6:30 am Monday June 2, 2008


So- htere it is- this is what i woke up and wrote yesterday morning. The dream is still so vivid in my mind i cana see and smell the station and hear the crowd. i can feel the weight if it let myself but i am trying very hard to let it go and learn.

If anyone has any helpful comments, please do-
Peace